"I have become increasingly overwhelmed, but not discouraged...feeling well but lacking courage..."
So after that less than desirable day that was yesterday I got on the scale this morning and I actually lost a pound. Good, I am glad that I didn't gain anything after that binge, but it kinda just proved that purging works. Too bad because I really hate doing it, but I also REALLY hate being fat. I have to weigh my options and determine which one is worse. Its sad that a lot of the time I would pick the life threatening option just to be thin. I am sure people would read this and be like JUST GO DIET AND EXERCISE like everyone else does! Its much more complicated then that though, I have this siren that goes off in my brain and it feels like I HAVE to binge, or I HAVE to purge, or I HAVE to restrict, or I HAVE to go weigh myself for the 10th time, etc. It is an overwhelming anxiety and if I don't give in then I will have a full blown panic attack.